A couple years ago I was thrown a wild curve ball and subsequently placed on a different path because of and through the choices of another who was addicted. I studied to… I sought to… I tried to… learn, understand, empathize. If life equates to opportunities to learn and grow, shoot, I was schooled. Even if we don’t wanna be a student, life has a way of teaching us.
I’ve crossed paths with a myriad of people who’ve had a wide spectrum of viewpoints on addiction and in recent weeks, I’ve felt a strong pull to express myself… in a slightly different way than Madonna. ; )
Admittedly, this is not an all-encompassing view on addiction, rather, my own thoughts on battling through. And, being that I’ve not experienced addiction first hand, I tread oh so lightly.
We, generally speaking, place assumptions on people. In so doing we consciously and subconsciously place our belief system, way of life and/or our healing method(s) on others.
“Seek to understand before being understood.” Boy have I tried to practice this in a more encompassing way since re-surfacing from my own fierce battle.
I wonder-
How are we to know what another has or hasn't tried or fought and struggled through - silently - just to land them right back where they started?
It seems we often look at/for external queues as a main indicator of someone putting forth effort or trying.
I submit that external queues are only a small portion of the commitment and effort put into developing stable ground for recovery.
You know that familiar saying, “don't judge a book by its cover”? I think it’s applicable, in a fierce way. Don't get me wrong, outward indicators are important. Very! Indeed, actions speak louder than words.
Lest we forget though-
Another shouldn't dismiss the raw, bitter, dark, internal battle that must seem insurmountable, as simply ‘choice’. Having an addiction can’t be and isn’t (from my limited understanding) just black and white. The power in choice bares the most weight when one decides to take accountability for (fill in the blank) and says I’m facing “it”. That’s when real change begins to take place.
So I ask-
How does a person fight when, likely, their world feels hopeless, full of shame? When they feel worthless, unworthy of love? When support is waning?
Someone in turmoil doesn’t need us to beat them down, blast them with shoulda, coulda, woulda. Do we really think they don’t already feel these things? When someone is most vulnerable, at their most fragile state, yep, that’s when support is most crucial.
Before judgment, before blame, before assumption… try; earnestly try, to place yourself in another’s shoes. Lead with love and love will lead.
To those struggling-
There are times when my heart literally aches; I feel a sense of sadness for the struggles that abound. Hope exists- absolutely exists. Lean on another until you believe in the power of you. There is love and light reserved just for you. People do care. People do want to help.
Reach out. Reach up. Reach within. You matter!
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